No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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