After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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