do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize