i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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