we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
