once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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