Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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