ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
