Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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