so explain again why im purple
no
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
