The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
