just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
