YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you