yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo