after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.