she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella