You can't special order awesome
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
