Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just pee around me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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