I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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