Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
