Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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