drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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