Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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