And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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