she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
