I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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