I am puke
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
