If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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