my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
