Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
