threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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