i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
