I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
