I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
