I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
