Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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