he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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