so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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