Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
