who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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