Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex