Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.