even my farts smell like vagina
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to sanitize my soul.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body