It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?