i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
