I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
