why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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