and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
