I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
