Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Panties = found
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
