I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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