he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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