I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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