Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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