she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
