Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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