My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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