My room smells like vodka and shame
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
