Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this boner is exhausting
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I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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