There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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