one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
