two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
