I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
