Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize