I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
