Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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